seekingmygreaterperhaps

Today, my heart is heavy. In the past, I had heard news stories about school shootings and was in shock and awe, but quickly moved on with my life. It’s sad that we live in a place where this is commonplace, and mass shootings happen regularly. Politics aside, this one feels different.

I am currently in my first year as a professional school counselor, and I love my job. I can’t imagine what it must feel like for my fellow school counselors who now know that they will have ~2,900 trauma narratives to unpack. 17 people lost their lives, which is unnecessary, and should break your heart. That will become part of the legacy at that school, and all students, teachers, and staff will have to move forward together. My heart hurts for the amount of grief that those school counselors will have to carry, because that is our job. *Not changing schedules, contrary to popular belief.* I hope those professionals take care of themselves and know that they are not doing this alone, and that this cause is a worthy one. It’s hard, but so so so necessary.

Being the person that I am, I looked up the school report card for Marjory Stoneman Douglass High School in Parkland, FL. This is basically a quick facts sheet about a school. Naturally, I compared it to the school I work at. We have a similar number of students, our demographic makeup is similar as well. The homes in the neighborhoods that feed into this high school are expensive, and look very nice. Looking at their school website, they have some fun activities coming up, including an International Food Tasting Night (exactly my cup of tea). As I scrolled down, I found that 77% of students felt safe at their school, and 64% said they like their school and feel happy there.

Unfortunately, that number changed yesterday. As I sit in the comfort of my living room, I can’t help but imagine this happening at my own school. I can’t help imagining my own students witnessing horror, and my own students losing their lives. Damn, I’ve only been at this job for a little over 100 days, and I’m already attached. Tonight, I vow to spread a little bit more love to my students, get a little less frustrated when they ask an innocent but stupid question, and try to make myself into a person that even the “loners” and “weirdos” feel like they can talk to.

I speak the cliche, my thoughts and prayers go out to the families, staff, and students of this high school in Florida. They especially go out to the Professional School Counselors who will be dealing with the aftermath long after teachers go on teaching. We need more attention on mental HEALTH, not just mental illness. We need more school counselors in schools. We need legislation to be passed. We need healing.

Praying for love. Praying for healing. Praying for hope.

x

Thanks for sticking with me as I type my heart out to the page.