seekingmygreaterperhaps

Oi gente!

I have been in a state of denial that I have moved from Brazil for… about 6 weeks now. I will begin packing up my suitcases once more and board a plane headed for Dubai at the end of this week. My old coworkers start their first day back with students tomorrow (as I write this, not when I’m publishing). I suppose it is time for me to acknowledge that I have moved and don’t live in Brazil anymore. This is a hard stage of grief for me to succumb to because it wasn’t really my choice to leave my school. They restructured my department, and I didn’t have a job waiting for me this school year. That’s fine- these things happen, but I wasn’t ready to leave Brazil yet. The other side of this coin is that I am really excited about my future school in Dubai and the entire world of new that is coming, but that’s not what this post will be about.

I don’t really have a structure for how I want this to go, but I have been mentally compiling a list of the things I will miss about Brasilia/Brazil, and also the things that I will not miss, so let’s start there.

Things I will NOT miss:

• The *@#%&!* priority by law lane. At the grocery store, at the airport, in line to go on the thing down Pão de Açúcar in Rio, these lines are everywhere. If you are priority by law (the elderly, the disabled, pregnant women, women with kids under 2, etc) you get to go first in everything. Which, I get on a like philosophical level, but it gets SO annoying when I’ve been waiting in line for something for quite a long time, and then someone who is priority just strolls up and cuts to 1st place. Boarding a plane? Fine. But jumping in front of me while I was waiting at the phone store? Come on now.
• The demon birds. I’ve been attacked by birds not once, not twice, but THREE times while walking Kya in Brasilia. Twice by the demon birds, and once by a burrowing ground owl. They were protecting their nests, but when they hooted or sang us their warning call, we heeded the call and left! It didn’t matter- they still swooped in. Like, lifting my hair and clawing my shoulder and everything. I didn’t get hurt, but I did scream loudly and run away, dragging Kya with me. I won’t miss those birds.
• Having the sun set around 6 pm every day. As a homebody, when the sun is down, the day is done. But when the sun goes down at 6 pm everyday… you still have most of the evening left, which was a hurdle to overcome.
• The corn that gets put onto all of the pizza. Why? No corn on pizza.
• Visiting one doctor who “assigns” you bloodwork or a scan, or something, but you have to schedule it at the specific facility that does those things. Then you have to take the results back to the original doctor. The doctors do not talk to each other.

Things I WILL miss:

• Acai da Penelope- this kind woman served me affordable and delicious acai, and sometimes cupuacu at least once a week. I usually treated myself after a long school week, and Penelope (I don’t even think that’s her name, but that is the name of her stand) knew my order. I will miss her, and the acai.
  • I will also just miss the readily accessibly acai, and the acai I would have on weekends after my swims. There is just something about acai after a swim that feels right.
• Chicken man- this incredibly talented grill master set up shop on the corner of my bloco every Saturday and Sunday. I would often buy his chicken, and it is so delicious. Yes, I will miss this grilled delicacy, but I will also miss him. I don’t know what I did, but when he hadn’t seen me for a while, he would ask the other gringos who live in my bloco “where is the tall girl with the dog?” and then I would get a text that chicken man is asking about me, so I’d have to go say hello. When I was home for Christmas last year, he asked me what my plans were and I just said, oh I’m staying here with my dog, he invited me over to Christmas dinner with his family. (I didn’t end up going- I didn’t have a car, and it was complicated.) He was sad when I said my goodbye, and I definitely think he has the best chicken around.

• I promise not everything on this list will be food… but I will also miss the espetinho guy who set up 6 nights a week. Getting a little meat on a stick, or make it a meal if you didn’t want to cook, saved me quite a few nights.
• My “old man” swim group. This group of incredibly athletic men have brought me into the fold of open water swimming in the lake on Saturdays. Grazy’s dad is the main organizer, and she brought me when I was training for my Ironman. This year, having a car, I was able to go a lot more often, and made it a priority. I was so thankful for a group to swim with- everyone looking out for each other, and also motivating each other. I swam farther and longer with them than I ever thought I could.

• Canicross. Kya and I got involved in this group of dog lovers who bring their dogs on a hike/run to waterfalls. We got to explore a lot of different areas of Brasilia and meet some great people while getting some exercise.
• The eixao. Every Sunday, the main highway in Brasilia (the eixao) is closed to vehicles, and it is just pedestrian traffic. I rode my bike every Sunday that I could, would walk Kya, and enjoy the live music and vendors on the north side. I love a cold coconut after a hard ride, and I will miss the culture of fitness for all that this helps fulfill.
• My 5k a month running group. It all started with a beer run. Brasilia has a couple beer runs a year, and a group of us got together to run the 5k that ended with beer. Then we had a lot of fun, so decided to sign up for a 5k every month. Sometimes, that was the only time I ran that month. Most of the 5ks were themed, and we did races that were anything from a cat run to a Halloween run, and a run that took place right after a downpour. Brasilia has these 5ks all year round because the weather is perfect pretty much all year round.
  • I will also miss the weather. Even if you need to own a humidifier to function in the dry season. It is beautiful.

• The birds. Brazil has really awesome birds, and I had a bunch right outside my window that woke me up every day. It never annoyed me, it always felt magical.
• Mango season. Fresh mangos newly fallen? YES PLEASE. Mangos in Brazil taste better, and when you can collect them yourself (or avoid getting hit in the head with them) it is even better. During mango season when I would be walking Kya and hear a rustle in the leaves, you always have to pause and wait for it to drop so you don’t get hurt.
  • I will also miss avocado season.
• Live music everywhere. Brazil = music = joy. While I never went to a “samba” (I know, gasp), I will miss the music that spills out from restaurants and bars everywhere.
• A bit of a mixed blessing, but I had my windows open from the day I moved in until the day I moved out. The reason being I didn’t have any air conditioning… but it also kept my apartment fresh. It also brought in mosquitos and forced me to build nets on my windows so Kya could lay in the flower bed without falling to her death 3 stories below. Like I said, a mixed blessing- but I will miss having the windows open.
  • Kya will absolutely miss her window.

• Cultura de futebol! I have learned to love football/ soccer and the energy that goes along with being in a crowded stadium. In the arena in Brasilia is where I learned how to properly use some important curse words in Portuguese as well.
• Cost of living. Brasilia, while on the expensive side, was an affordable place to live. I got really used to prices of things, and have been facing sticker shock coming back to the US for the summer. Happy hour at Caminito = affordable. Coconut water on the beach = affordable. A beer at the futebol stadium = affordable. It helped me increase my quality of life a lot too.
• My grasp on the Portuguese language. I lived in Brazil for 3 years, and had a private tutor (Hi Rebeca!) who helped me learn and grow SO much. I am extremely proud of making it to a C2 Advanced level as of this writing. That means I’m like, pretty good at Portuguese. While I did learn it because it feels a little like adapt or die in every day life in Brazil (everyone at my school speaks and works in English, but that doesn’t mean the rest of the city or country does), it absolutely made my life better. I traveled more broadly, I interacted with people with ease, and made a few friends outside of my school that I don’t think I could have otherwise. I’m sad because I will probably lose that as I am not using it every day.
• My porteiros! The doormen to my building became my family, and I am really lucky they had my back. They always pet Kya, always chatted with me and were genuine with their help for me. I am a strong independent woman of course, but there were times when they offered help that was so incredibly needed. I felt looked after. Kya loved them too, and our walks were not complete until we went over to the booth to say hello to whoever was working. She would get belly rubs and I would have to DRAG her back to the apartment so I could make it to work on time.

• The general kindness of people. I don’t know if I realized while living there, but I definitely felt it coming back as a reverse culture shock. Brazilians are generally pretty warm and nice. Talking with them makes me feel good. I hope people in Dubai are kind and inviting as well, and maybe I can take some of this culture from Brazil and implement it with me there.
• Hugs. Brazilians love hugs, and when I first moved here it was… a lot of hugs. But now I notice and it is weird if you don’t hug every person when you join a group at the bar. We need more hugs people. I’m going to miss all my colleagues hugs, friends hugs, and random greeting hugs.
• Nature- especially waterfalls. I have been spoiled rotten by the amount of beautiful nature on offer in Brazil. Like, this country has got to be kidding it, there are gorgeous waterfalls just everywhere. I have loved living in a place where there are waterfalls to swim in around 30 minutes from me. And even bigger ones a little farther away.
• Tattoo culture. I feel like most Brazilians I know have a tattoo. In life in Brasilia (and greater Brazil) everyone has tattoos. I found a tattoo artist I really loved in Brasilia, and even went to a tattoo party this last semester. Which leads me to…
• Body culture. You have a body, you belong at the beach. In a thong bikini or a tsunga. No one cares what your body looks like. All bodies are on display, and all are beautiful at the beach in Brazil. As someone in a larger body, this piece of Brazilian culture is so healing for me. I am really going to miss this.
  • Also there isn’t a lot of body shame. When talking with my Brazilian colleagues about a weird spot or some body related ailment, they would be like “well let me see” and I was the weird one for being a little meek. This is among friends though, probably not just your average stranger on the street.
• Shopping experience. When you go to a clothing store, you only need to pick out one item to try on, and eventually you will have a dressing room full. The clerks are insanely helpful, and not just to sell you things, but to help you find clothes that compliment you. I’ve found some beautiful dresses that I thought would look terrible on me so I didn’t pick them out, and then the shopping lady hands it to me, I try it on, and it’s flattering. It doesn’t matter if you’re just at a booth at a fair or at Farm Rio, they are attentive and it makes me actually enjoy shopping.
• Carnaval. No explanation needed- it’s awesome and I’ll miss it.
• Brigadeiro sellers who walk around the bars.
• The burger restaurant who also brought me a “doggy patty” for Kya whenever we would eat there.
• The sweet potato and coconut protein shake by YoPro. I know. I, too, thought it sounded disgusting, but then one time that was the only one available at the store, so that’s the one I bought, and it is my favorite flavor. I exclusively bought just that flavor afterwards, and I already miss it.
• How convenient living in the blocos were. Brasilia is a really weird city, but I never had to go very far for anything that I needed, and that was pretty neat.

I am purposefully leaving off things I will miss about my school and job from these lists, and while I want to talk about the incredible counselor community in Brazil, and the view from my office, I think Brazil has had quite the impact on me just by itself.

As my lists are coming to an end, I could probably keep writing and writing the more I think about this, I am struck with how deeply I’ve fallen in love with my life in the last three years. I moved to Brazil having never been to South America. I had never worked outside of the US, and not in a school with any type of funding. I didn’t speak Portuguese and didn’t know anyone. I approached my life here with an open heart. This list obviously glamorizes everything- living abroad isn’t always easy, but I do think it’s worth it. I have changed so much through my experiences in Brazil. I hug more freely for sure, but also take the time to see people. I make small talk. I choose the experience. I am learning to seek joy and embrace it while it’s here, and I think the jeito brasileiro has a lot to do with that mindset.

All of these things wouldn’t be possibly without the incredible community that I am leaving behind in Brasilia. This is the nature of international schools (or so I am told), but this is my first time making this jump, so it’s hard. I don’t want to make a list of the people I will miss, because I will see my friends again. I have felt seen and understood in an unconventional lifestyle and taught Brazilian facts of the day, and swam in waterfalls with some pretty incredible people. I will be more intentional about keeping in touch because they are important to me. When you live abroad, your friends turn into family in a blink, and I am so blessed to have been chosen by mine.

This isn’t goodbye… it’s tchau for now.

Beijos xxx